Sometimes goodbye's a second chance...

Wow, I really like that line. And I'm really liking it tonight. Over the past week, I've played with my friends a lot. I've played with them a lot this past month, really. But this past week, something has been off... And I'm trying to figure out why. The first reason I have come up with is that things aren't the same. When I first came home from school, things seemed to be just how I left them. Now, I'm realizing they aren't. A few of my best guy friends are out on missions, and if they aren't already gone, they've got their call. This means no boys to hang out with. Okay, I can handle that. But my Mom has told me that when they boys are gone, you should meet new ones to hang out with. That's great and all, but I'm not meeting any boys. That right there is the first problem. Right now in my life, the idea of having a boyfriend sounds really good... or does it? I think I'm wanting to fill a hole right now honestly. I write to my friends on missions frequently, but I miss seeing them a lot. Something has to change. I don't necessarily need a boyfriend, but I need someone or something to fill that hole. What or who that will be? I don't know.

Over the past year, I've realized that I am totally human. I knew this all along, but I'm taking this to a new level. I've done things I should and should not have done. The should nots- well, I knew not to do them, but did anyways. Now, I get to pay the consequence. Which totally sucks at the moment, but it's okay. I'm going to win the war, and I'm going to have better self control over my decisions. That's the way it should be, and I will do it.

When I lived in Ephraim, it was me in a totally different world. It was my escape from reality. I had new friends, a new apartment, a new school, a new atmosphere. But what about now? It's two hours away, and I won't see half the people I met ever again. That's a hard concept to grasp, especially when you like someone. I didn't want to like anyone second semester, because I knew it wouldn't go anywhere with the summer and all. But, my heart took over, and now, it's not the same. I'm not the same. I met so many good people, and now I'm letting them go. Long distance relationships don't work. I'm seeing the clear picture now. I used to think about and talk to him daily. Now, we only talk a few times a week. I don't think about him. I don't have the strong desire to be around him. And this, this change, is hard. But it's time for me to say goodbye... Letting go is hard, but I'm going to open a new door in my life. When this door will open, I don't know. But hopefully sometime soon.

Trials are hard. And sometimes I wonder why I go through some of the things I go through. I guess there are lessons to be learned. Sometimes they are easy, sometimes they aren't. I'm struggling with the lesson stuff right now, but it'll come in time. I know it will. I've learned to put on a show in my life. That seems to be the best way for me to cope. But sometimes things catch up to us, and all we have left to do is face things. I'm going to face things now, and I'm going to learn the lessons I'm meant to learn at this point in my life.

This isn't really a sad post, it's a post for me. This is what I've been thinking about, and this is going to help me let go of how things used to be. I'm ready for my second chance at everything. I'm a huge fan of change, and luckily, it's going to happen again. I've learned I choose my own path's, so this time I'm going to choose one that I have never gone on. I'm ready for adventure, and I'm ready to see what the future has in store for me. I'm ready to say goodbye, and I'm ready for my second chance.

I know what I need to do, and I know how to do it. Right now, I don't need anything but motivation and dedication. Both are qualities I have, and both are qualities I'm ready to use. Goodbye to the picture perfect idea in my head, and hello new reality. The glass is now half full, instead of half empty.